Paisa!

Do we as citizens of India have it in us to abolish corruption & bribery? Do we even stand a chance? If even 5% of India's population stands up for this cause, are we going to achieve anything? Or is this a lost cause? Will corruption and bribery be considered part & parcel of day-to-day activities? Or does it occur in every corner of the globe? Well, it most certainly does. And what can be done about it?

To the best of my knowledge, I have not taken part in any bribery or corruption. But, if you consider promising a certain someone's brother a bunch of chocolates if he would be kind enough to divulge his sister's mobile number, then I am guilty!! There have been a sudden surge of such incidents (not the chocolate bribing thing!!) in front of my eyes over the past few weeks, which prompted me to post this.

My passport is due for renewal pretty soon and with a valid visa in it, I was forced to go and apply for a fresh one in person. I was genuinely surprised that there was an online registration process for it & it quite neatly asked me to appear on a certain date with all the relevant documents at 11 am in the morning. So, armed with the necessary stuff, I found myself at the Regional Passport Office to find a queue much longer than I expected. I found myself a spot in the line after a lot of jostling & placed myself between an aged person who was appearing to submit documents on his daughter's behalf & a college student. I found out from both of them that they had appointments for 10.30 in the morning & it was way past 11 by then! The security person who is actually supposed to ensure that people don't jump lines or places was taking a bribe of 100 rupees for pushing you forward! I was quite irritated at this & voiced my opinion to the officers there & found myself pushed or rather shoved to the back of the line! So much for bravado!

It took me 3 hours to get my application processed & by that time I found myself a couple of good friends! Rebels with a similar cause, we started to have long , loud conversations about corruption & bribery and the modern marvel of mobile photography! It did get the attention of the officials there & if I am to believe the handful of agents there, my application would be put through intense scrutiny & rejected at least a couple of times! Good for me! At least I'll get to stay a few more weeks in India!!

Next stop, IIT. It has a reputation that precedes itself and produces some of the greatest minds in India. But little did I know it also had the most conniving bunch of professors & support staff who were quite adept at making a quick buck! My company has a joint venture with IIT for research & testing. We get to use their labs & they get to use our organization for projects & internships. So I recently took a product for testing & at the end of the whole jig, I was summoned to the professor's chambers and told that I was supposed to pay the support staff for their part in the testing. I was quite shocked at this & told that I was willing to pay as much as they wanted if they could provide me with a receipt for it. After 15 minutes of highly intense argument, I finally managed to wriggle myself out of there! And going out, I was stopped at the Security gate & asked to provide money for the invaluable security they provided to me and my company's asset during our stay there. I refused again & was informed that I wouldn't be allowed to take the equipment out through the gates! I quite politely informed the guards that I was quite willing & capable of sitting at the gate for as long as they wanted. They finally succumbed to my antics after a good 45 minutes and was allowed to pass through. Did I succeed in stopping an act of bribery? Yes. Bit at the cost of me being a marked man in the famous by lanes of IIT. I am not safe there anymore.

Next stop, Hyderabad. Central Power Research Institute of India is a Government owned research institute that has world wide recognition for the services they offer in the field of testing and certification of high voltage equipment. And the story was no different. I was asked to shell out close to 3000 rupees as "appreciation" money for the work the employees of CPRI. I refused again & am pretty sure I am a marked man there too. Wonder what their response will be the next time I go there.

We spend close to 2 crores every year on testing and certification & a good chunk of this money goes to Government owned institutions. Take into account that at least 3 of my company's competitors test on a regular basis, there is plenty of money that these institutions get. Where does it go? If the employees are paid on a good scale, will they resort to asking for bribes? Maybe, but as long as the money is not invested in the right places, we will get innovative usage of available equipment. For example, see the pic below :D

Life on Shuffle!

I was tagged by Ketaki

And this is the story.

Here's how it goes-

1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

1. “If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”

That don' impress me much - Shania Twain

2. “What would best describe your personality?”

Last resort - Papa Roach

3. “What do you like in a guy/girl?”

Maneater - Nelly Furtado (lol)

4. “How do you feel today?”

Rockstar - Nickelback

5. “What is your life’s purpose?”

Long road to ruin - Foo fighters

6. “What is your motto?”

I disappear - Metallica

7. “What do your friends think of you?”

Party starter - Will Smith (So not true!!!)

8. “What do you think of your parents?”

Right here, right now - Fatboy slim

9. “What do you think about very often?”

Semi charmed life - Third eye blind

10. “What is 2+2?”

So sick - NeYo

11. “What do you think of your best friend?”

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne (lol, ya rite :P)

12. “What do you think of the person you like?”

No leaf clover - Metallica

13. “What is your life story?”

First we take Manhattan - Leonard Cohen (Thanks Ketaki!!)

14. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz (Hell yeah!)

15. “What do you think when you see the person you like?”

The dolphin's cry - Live

16. “What do your parents think of you?”

Black or white - Michael Jackson

17. “What will you dance to at your wedding?”

Ain't no other man - Christina Aguilera (hope so :P)

18. “What will they play at your funeral?”

Get the party started - Pink (Hmph!)

19. “What is your hobby/interest?”

Clarity - John Mayer

20. “What is your biggest secret?”

American idiot - Greenday

21. “What do you think of your friends?”

Galvanise - The chemical brothers

22. “What should you post this as?”

Aicha - Outlandish

To keep the chain flowing Bhavi, TAG YOU'RE IT

Just for laughs!

US Politics always cracks me up. Here are some classics.

Here's the point - The US is looking at affirmative action, and they're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

A lot of controversy over this invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.

Dick Cheney told reports that he has a new outlook on life. He says the best part of waking up is... waking up! I guess the doctors don't even put stitches in Cheney's chest anymore - they now just use Velcro.

War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL'.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.

More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.

George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.

Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.

The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is working for the CIA?

Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.

Pimp my ride!!

I have been constantly bugging my boss to get his car decked with a music system. I travel a lot with him & find it incredibly ridiculous that someone who forked out 10 lakhs on a Civic did not think of a music system .So after 6 months of constant harassment, he finally agreed to get one installed. He chose an absolutely low-end system which made me hit him on the back of his head. Well, almost.

So, I convinced him to lend me the money & the responsibility of "pimping" his ride. I actually used that word & ended up getting a "look", which, I am pretty sure said, "I am the one doing your appraisals. Please remember that." :D

Budget : 50k
Time : 1 week
Restrictions : No flashy neon stuff

Pimping has just begun. Will be back with updates soon :P

So Sick

Got to change my answering machine.
Now that I'm alone.
'cos right now it says that WE can't come to the phone.
And I know it makes no sense.
'cos you walked out the door.
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore.
It's ridiculous.
It's been months and for some reason I just can't get over us.
And I'm stronger than this.
Enough is enough.
No more walking around with my head down.
I'm so over being blue.
Crying over you.
And I'm so sick of love songs.
So tired of tears.
So done with wishing you were still here.
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow.
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Sometimes, you just happen to stumble upon music that you can relate to in totality. The above lyrics are from a song by Ne-Yo called "So Sick". Jus' something that I happened to stumble upon. Great song.

Mondays

My mom tells me that I always had an aversion to Mondays when I was in school. I used to refuse to get ready on Monday mornings & feign stomach cramps or something till the rickshaw fellow came & left. Then, I'd become okay within a few minutes and run to "Cat Videos" near my place & rent GI-Joe Videos and watch all day long. Habits die hard & this one has stuck to me. I hate Monday mornings & of late Mondays in its entirety. Here's why,

* I always feel like a water-soaked log on Monday mornings. My eyelids feel sewn to my face & refuse to pop open even after repeated knocks on my room's door & ONLY after my dad threatens to break open the door, I manage to get up.

* The toothpaste tastes like crap only on Monday mornings & leave a sour taste right at the beginning of a fresh week.

* The shower malfunctions on Monday mornings. ALWAYS.

* My socks never match.

* The iron-wala always creases my flat front pants.

* Breakfast tastes like Tar+Salt+Soya, thanks to the toothpaste-taste in my mouth.

* I always search for my access card & watch on Monday mornings 'cos I throw them astray when I get home on Saturday. Mmm, maybe this is my fault. But, I blame Mondays!!!!

* The cute girl in the apartment at the end of the street always leaves early on Monday mornings.

* My bus is bang on time on Mondays. Never a minute late. Never a minute early. I always miss it, and end up paying 80 rupees to a auto fellow who does not pity my situation, but expects my sympathy on the issue of growing petrol prices.

* My boss is always at the gate, coming out for a smoke & notices that I am 15 minutes late. Only on Mondays.

* My Lotus notes takes 10 minutes to load 'cos the server is overloaded on Mondays.

* I get to know from my colleague that my boss had called on the office intercom 3 times in the past 15 minutes. Only on Mondays.

* There is something wrong in the shop floor, at three different places, at the SAME time. Only on Mondays.

* My team gives me the good news that we made a blunder last week. Key is that enough stress is made on "WE". So, Monday mornings are reserved for blitz-meetings & frantic running around the office.

* My project presentation that was a big hit at the meeting last Friday does not make any sense to my boss on Monday morning. He wants me to redo the presentation & beam it to three countries. In three different languages. The meeting is scheduled for 7 in the evening so that my peers in France, Germany or Switzerland can relax in their leather recliners during THEIR office hours and listen to me.

* Canteen food tastes like Jail food. NO, I have not been to Prison! I just assume that food there is bad and stale.

* I ALWAYS get stuck in traffic on Mondays while getting back home. My bosses did not think it through building a Nuclear Engineering firm on an IT corridor. Morons.

* The cute girl at the end of the street ALWAYS notices my disheveled state returning home.

* There are guests at Home on Monday evenings. Sigh.

* I always lose playing God of War on PlayStation on Mondays.

* By the time I go to sleep, I have a stirring awakening that my weekend was completely wasted, Monday turned out to be hopeless and I should go bury myself somewhere!!

There you go. This is just a brief list that came to my mind. Apart from this, there are a million incidents that occur on Mondays. But the ones above are the most frequent. I favor a motion banning Mondays. Don't know if it makes any sense. But this is a rant, ain't it? So, I get to make my wish :P

Stars & Stripes

I love Politics. Not the crap that goes on here at home though. Fools from one generation spoiling the country & laying the foundation for their descendants to come in to power & spoil it even more. I love the elections that happen in the United States of America. It is a complicated & long election. One that is totally entertaining. And worth following!! Okay, I admit it! Canal+ in France does not show any English programme. So, I was stuck with CNN & was hooked to this "Super Tuesday" blockbuster unfolding in front of me.

Here's a gist of the Electoral process.

The first part is called the primary. That is the part which is in progress right now. During this part each party (Democrats and Republicans) will choose a candidate. They choose by holding an election among registered party members in each U.S. State. Based on each state's results, candidates get "delegates". For instance, in New Hampshire, Clinton and Obama each got 39% of the vote, so each got 9 delegates. Edwards got 17% of the vote, so he got 4 delegates.

The primary ends at the party's National Convention. At the convention each delegate is represented by an actual person appointed by the party. Most people/delegates must vote based on the state elections. However about 20% of them are "Super Delegates". These are party leaders and people currently serving in political offices. They can vote for whomever they want. Based on the vote at the National Convention, the party chooses its candidate.

In the general election, the Republican and Democratic candidate face each other. Often, other independent candidates also run, but only rarely do they become significant in the election.

The general election is held on a single day (Nov 4, 2008). On that day, all registered voters can vote for anyone they want but typically vote for either the Republican or Democratic candidate.

Rather than just comparing the total vote counts, there is a system for determining the winner called the "Electoral College". Each state is worth a certain number of "electors". For example, New Hampshire is worth 4 electors. Whatever candidate gets the most votes in a state gets ALL the electors for that state.

There are a total of 538 electors. The number of electors in each state is based on that state's population. A candidate needs to win the majority of electors (270) to win the presidency.

Whoever wins the election on Nov 4, 2008 becomes the President on January 20, 2009.

What's interesting is that for a huge period, Senator Hillary Clinton had this race in the kitty. But a hugely unknown candidate, Barrack Obama threw his hat in to the race & things are really really interesting now. That shows you what a great country it is — when an African-American with a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, who spent time growing up in Indonesia and is running for President. Truly awesome. And the best part is, he is kicking Hillary's butt, county after county.

Hillary Clinton has all the experience she needs. A great campaign manager with a good team that knows how to win. Fair or dirty. She has Bill Clinton (they are still married :P) with her to give her the much needed support when it comes to the grueling campaigns. She has a huge majority of the female vote. BUT, she hasn't been smart from time to time. Here's the biggest one. Mrs. Clinton, trying to make a point about presidential leadership and Obama’s constant references to Dr. King, the civil rights icon, said: “Dr. King’s dream began to be realised when President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It took a president to get it done.” I said "Mrs. Clinton" instead of Hillary because the entire speech just reeks of Bill Clinton's smug attitude. And by the way, Mrs. Clinton, BIG mistake. Undermining Martin Luther King when your major opponent is rallying for the African-American vote is a BIG mistake. Obama has never looked back after that. He has grown from strength to strength. Winning county after county. 10 in a row. Even at places where he had no hope 2 months back.

But the fun part is when the news channels take this in to their hands & make good viewing out of it. And who better than Jimmy Kimmel & Jay Leno :D

Here are few classics.

“Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday, he accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It’s a fairy tale in which a horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens, and then a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him. So, you can see why he’s very upset.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner of the Democratic caucus. Stunning victory. He got 57% of the youth vote, 35% of the female vote, and 100% of Iowa’s black vote, a guy named Larry.” –Jay Leno

“Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fundraiser. That shows you what a great country this is — when an African-American with a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, who spent time growing up in Indonesia and is running for president, spending time in a state where Spanish-speaking people have elected an Austrian governor.” –Jay Leno

“Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home — Barack Obama.” –Jay Leno

" Hillary Clinton is still doing very well in one state - the state of denial, ladies and gentlemen. Well, after winning 10 in a row, political experts say there's a very good chance that Barack Obama could end up as our next president. See, that shows you the progress we've made in this country. We can have a black man in the White House. I remember when we couldn't get a black man in the cast of 'Friends.'" --Jay Leno

Now, Hillary Clinton is left to throwing tantrums and handbags at Obama. Frustration is clearly visible. The dream is slipping away. True, Obama could end up losing this election & Mrs. Clinton could become the President. But, what this election has shown is that people's votes actually do count. Well, maybe not in Florida :P

* Thanks to answerbag.com for all the insight on the electoral process.
* And thanks to Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman & Jon Stewart for making this an entertaining election.