Love Actually

Love actually, is just one simple little word. Chocolates, flowers, pretty sparkling diamonds are weapons used to express undying love and adoration. There is a day of the year even set aside for love! And quite frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, people don’t get all mushy and lovey-dovey about hate or disgust or sarcasm. Those feelings have simple meanings, too. And aren’t all feelings important?

In Greek mythology, there is this dude Eros, who is commonly known as Cupid. Everyone knows who Cupid is! He’s that slick little guy with wings, a diaper, and heart shaped arrows, which he shoots at people’s backsides (so they don’t see it coming). He makes them fall helplessly in love with the first person they lay eyes on. Sigh. How romantic! Yeah right!! Real cool getting shot in the ass with an arrow from some little fruitcake with wings and an adult diaper.

Let’s take a look at some famous quotes,
“The only way to speak the truth is to speak lovingly.” - Henry David Thoreau.
“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” – Charles Dickens
To them, I say, “Bite me!” Love is just a four-letter word that horny teens use to get their girlfriends in bed and old people use to describe how much they enjoy bingo. And those in-between? Love is easier to say and pretty less confusing.

The whole marketing charade on Valentine’s Day is taking things a bit too far. But big ol’ hearts on boxers is just taking it way too far. As is having stuffed gorillas that sing ‘Wild Thing’ and giant corny cards chock full of glitter and sap. It is a statistical fact (one that was confirmed with a few phone calls to a few of my college mates) that more women are proposed to on St. Valentine’s Day than on any other day of the year. “How sweet! How original! How romantic!” people say. Please. I’d much rather propose on Deepavali. If the shit hits the fan, you can throw a thousand-wala on the girl & blaze a few dozen rockets on the guy/s (who, trust me, inavariably want to break you into pieces) who feel hard done by.

Love really isn’t as easy and tender as it is portrayed. It is a hard game with confusing rules and lots of twists and turns and dead ends. There will be breaks and bruises in the tough game of love-love plays dirty. And it’s really a crying shame that so many people fall for love’s tricks. Hell, when you think about it, it’s really much easier to be grumpy and hate…well, everything. No heartbreaks, no let downs, and no spending hundreds of rupees on overpriced flowers (which will wither and die in a day) and fancy jewelry (that have to be real or else it is happy hands land for you for a really really long time).

You know, I think hate and it’s affiliates and sponsors should get a holiday like love does. We should have a Devil’s Day or Enemy Day. Believe it or not, there is a National Hugging Day, Jan 21^st. Sigh! I am going to demand equal rights for people with bad attitudes, sour outlooks, and grumpy dispositions. And I am going to request that a law be made about public displays of affection and any other love-esque outbursts.

It will be as follows:
“Any person seen in public, touching or fondling in such a way to annoy a person with a bad disposition or who is having a grumpy moment, will be taken into custody by the Hate Protectors. They will then be sentenced to the following: Forced to eat five million heart shaped candies, they will then be painted red and dressed like Cupid, diaper and all, and forced to sing several songs of love. Aren’t laws great? I simply love the concept of rules and regulations, judgments and freedom of opinion. I tell you, some of these lovey-dovey, mushy, “I wuv you!” “No! I WUV you, snookie ookie bear!” sweethearts just piss me off. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate love or anything. I totally love my family and friends. But a line has got to be drawn sometime, somewhere. And that’s what I am doing. Drawing the line.
Freedom for the crabasses and sour-pusses alike!

PS : FYI, this IS a public rant. If anyone finds this offensive, please go take a hike :P

PPS : To all the truly lucky few, who are actually in love and don’t need a public day to profess your love to each other, I wish you the very best in life!